How to say NO to your child

'No baby, don't touch this pot', 'No, don't behave like that', 'No, this phone is not for you'. How repulsive it is to hear the word 'No' frequently. During the process of parenting, we realized, like as adults, kids also don't like to hear 'No' a lot.

But for our little one to grow into a balanced person, we believe, setting limits is as important as letting him explore things around. A child's natural tendency is to explore his surroundings and parents’ is to protect them from any potential danger. However, saying straight NO many a times makes him react stubbornly. Also, they get more inclined to do those things for which we ask them not to do.

So, now I try to say NO to him in a way in which I don't use the negative word. However, if need be, I also do say NO to him because by itself, 'NO' is not a bad word, I have just tried to cut down number of times I use it.

Today, I like to share how I ask my little one not to do something without really saying 'No' to him.

1) Try to give him simple reasons

When playing outside, he playfully puts sand and pebbles in his mouth, I firmly tell him that sand is not for eating and that if you eat it, you will have a stomachache. At the age of 2.5, he has started understanding short reasoning that I give him. Now, before putting anything in his mouth right away, he always asks me if he can eat it.

Giving short reasons has worked in many other cases also such as chocolates. I tell him that though you like it, eating lot of it can spoil your teeth. Also, showing him visual examples (real life or pictures) of the side effects helps create a quick impression on his mind about the negatives of eating too many chocolates.  A positive side effect of this has been that he has started brushing his teeth twice daily.

2) Tell him the right use of things

When he jumps on bed or stands on chair, I firmly tell him that bed is for sleeping and not jumping; chair is for sitting and not standing.

When they do not like to eat what he has been given or is not really hungry, he starts playing with the food. It is annoying at times to see him do this however; I try not to shout at him and I just take away the bowl and firmly explain him that food is for eating and not playing. His pediatrician had explained me not to worry, if he does not eat what you give him, when he is really hungry, he will ask you for the food himself. Though it is difficult to follow this as a mom but it has worked really well for me.

3) Tell him what is meant for him

It is important to keep kids away from mobile phones and electronic gadgets. So when he asks for my mobile phone. I instead, give him his toy phone and tell him this is mumma's phone and that (toy) is baby's phone. Even when I am busy with my work, I avoid giving him my phone to play with as he might form a habit. In spite of all this at times he does not give up and still asks for my mobile phone so, I have downloaded many kids learning apps which he can use to learn and locked social media apps because I don't want to expose him to it at this tender age.

 4) Tell him about acceptable behavior

Sometimes when my little cute monster, does not like to be hugged by someone or does not like someone to hold him, he pulls other person's hair or hits him. I withdraw him immediately and explain him softly that if he does not like it, he has to say no and that hitting is simply not acceptable.

When he beats someone his age, I withdraw him and then tell him you have to play nicely with each other or I will take you back home.

5) Give him alternate option

When he plays with a ball inside the house, instead of asking him not to play, I ask him to play with it outside or play with some other toy, if he wants to play inside. In fact, I also sometimes join him to play along with him to keep his excitement levels high.

6) Distractions works well

Kids have a very short attention span. So sometimes when my child demands something; distracting him from it and redirecting to something else works very well. He instantly forgets about that activity and gets involved in the newer one. This works really well when they do not have his food. I just tell him some stories in animated tone to distract his attention and in the meanwhile, feed him the food easily. However, this strategy may not work for kids of more than 5 years of age.

7) Setting limit and telling him about it.

List of cartoons my child likes to watch is long: Doaremon, Shin Chan, Oggy and the Cockroaches, etc. So, I have asked him to select any 2 of the cartoon shows a day if he completes his assignments. Though there are some exceptions to this rule but majority of the time it works fine.

These are some of the steps I have taken for my child. Sometimes I do feel that I am a strict mother not fulfilling my child’s wishes. In fact, sometimes I even refuse to give him things which may be very common for other kids to have. But then I believe that being firm at times, helps me create a balanced growth for my child.

There can be no fixed rules for raising kids. It would be interesting if you can share any other ways you have used for saying No to your child.

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